Posted in Personal, Poems

The Mistake

I can hear her laugh, she’s always so happy
here she comes up the hallway now
pitter-patter  little penguin, walk so freely like little creatures do
You’re gonna grow up to be so beautiful.
From the moment they spoke of your existence
Daddy and Mommy couldn’t wait to meet you
preparations for the Princess, we have it all ready
Too much is not enough.
Daddy likes to rub my belly, you always kick for him
“My two favorite girls” he always says
Kisses for the two of us and he’s off to work
Oh, how I love that man- how could I not?
How could I not see…

“It’s your fault, I haven’t touched you in weeks”
That’s how he talks tonight.
You’re uncomfortable in there, you can tell that Mommy’s sad
I sing the song I made for you… Go to sleep, Angel.
“I don’t know if I’m cut out for this, I can’t even stick to one person!”
Excuses running on the power of illusion- tricks of the mind
Like the kind that tell you love is blind, but it isn’t
you had 20/20 vision and ignored the signs.
Oh, how I love that man- How could I?
How could he ever just love me- does he even love you?
I know that I do. . .or do I?
Did I only make you because I loved him? I didn’t think this through.
Do I do what’s best for me? But what does that mean for you?

The lights are so bright here,
“One-two-three” I count them as I roll down the hallway.
There are machines everywhere, and girls
what are all of these girls doing here?
“Pro choice, lift your voice” the commercial on the TV yells
I feel a cramp in my stomach as I remember where I am
My stomach! Its a bottomless pit- I’ve never been more ashamed
I feel so many things-especially sadness. Can you tell?

I sing the song I made for you. . .Go to sleep, Angel.

Maybe I didn’t deserve this…
Is that all I have to say for myself? Should I say anything at all?
Nobody deserved anything that they didn’t get- except you.
My mind is gone- It took off with all of my money- or did I spend it on Vodka?
I don’t remember anything anymore. . . Only trying to fill my stomach.
See I figured if I fill my stomach to the brim, It’ll still feel like you’re there
But vodka makes me feel numb and now I can’t tell if I’m full.
It doesn’t matter anyway I’ll always be empty-Except when I dream.
When I dream I see you, my little girl.
I can hear your laugh, your little stomping feet
pitter-patter in my dreams like little creatures do
You’re gonna grow up to be so beautiful…

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Author:

Just trying to show you what the inside of my head looks like.

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